He was always supposed to be the one to die first.
He was always sick with his diabetes—self inflicted because he would not stay on his diet.
Every summer, without fail, when vacation time came around in August…
He always took 2 weeks and his three boys thought “Beach! Road Trip! Fun!”
Nope—he would check himself into the hospital because his diabetes was out of control.
But…we always thought he would die first.
And then…she did!
Point2Ponder “When is the last time you got the shock of your life—and it made you weak in the knees?”
I remember that sick feeling of startled bewilderment—“but wait—that’s not supposed to happen—She’s supposed to live longer!”
And that’s exactly how I felt sitting in the Emergency Room with my wife Monday night—looking at the love of my life—in such pain!
She had never been sick in 15 years of marriage—never had any ailment or needed any treatment.
But today—she was so sick, this woman who has a HIGH tolerance for pain, was…crying with tears streaming down her face.
And I couldn’t do a thing to stop the pain—or take her place—or protect her from this.
Or protect me from this sick feeling that “oh no! it’s happening all over again! But, I’m supposed to leave first!”
She had an ashen look to her skin.
She was grimacing in pain.
She was beside herself in fear that maybe, just maybe this was happening to her.
I could tell for the first time in our lives, my wife was scared.
She thought she was having a heart attack.
She thought this was serious enough and hurting enough that… she drove herself to the hospital.
She worried enough about the possible consequences that she called my best friend and asked her to call me and let me know.
Let me know that she was okay, she wasn’t dying, she wasn’t having a heart attack.
None of those things she believed at that moment.
And there we were—waiting to be seen, hoping this was nothing, praying for a miracle.
And realizing that—she could be the one to go first.
And that—scared me to my core!
Funny thing is—we can pray all we want, and I am a big proponent of prayer, but…
When God calls you—He doesn’t call twice—He doesn’t need to- we hear His voice and respond—by coming!
But I was hoping that He was not calling Monday night—not calling the love of my life home—not to leave me alone.
And yet—I was also reliving that startled bewilderment that I experienced back when I was 17, a senior in high school…
And my Mama heard God calling, and… in an instant, she was gone.
Even though we always predicted—he would go first.
Until he didn’t.
Just a sobering few days—realizing that One Unexpected Event can change the course of your future—
And you can’t do a thing to stop it—when He calls you, you cannot say NO!
And now, she is home—washing dishes—something she likes to do—
And yet—I look at her with these eyes filled with tears and a heart filled with fear—
She almost left me—what would I have done?
I am just so thankful that He didn’t call—and I don’t have to figure out what to do.
She is here—she is safe—she is loved!
And I intend to keep her that way— and hope that HE calls ME first!